Tag Archives: spirit

Upanishads

A favorite topic at Moonsoup.

This post includes audio excerpts read by Tessa Morgan.

Sound bites for a feast of the soul.

Also, instead of my usual download link

I’m using the WordPress Audio Player, just for a change.

For an interesting summary of the Upanishads go here.

Just click the “play” icon for each section-

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Filed under mp3, poetry, Spirituality

Quote Parade

I would not be surprised if some of this is repetitive- shared in previous posts. So, it gets the official seal:

Quote Parade (or did I say that already):

“The being of separate beings is non-separate being.” Chuang-tse (c.369-c.286 BCE).

“We, the originally vast, serene, and marvellous mind are all pure and illuminatingly all-inclusive. Nothing can hinder us: we are as free as the firmament.” Tsung Kao (1089-1163)

“From the beginning, not a thing is.” Hui Neng (638-713)

“Be still. And know I am God” Psalm 46

“This consciousness exists as each being, and nothing else exists.” The Vigyan Bkairava and Sochanda Tantra.

“The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me: my eye and God’s eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.” Meister Eckhart

“Seeing that one cannot see the absence-of-things (subjectivity) is true seeing, permanent seeing.” Shen Hui

“You must have a clear understanding that all things are only a manifestation of the mind itself. Everything, everything in this world is nothing but a complex manifestation of one’s mental activities.” Lankavatara Sutra

“Remember that from the first to the last not even the smallest grain of anything perceptible has ever existed or ever will exist.’ Huang Po

“I am Not, but the Universe is my Self.” Shih T’ou (700-790)

“Body, heaven and hell, bondage and freedom, as also fear, all these are mere concepts. What have I to do with all these, I who am pure Consciousness?” Ashtavakra Gita

“Let me remind you that the perceived cannot perceive.” Huang Po

“Prajna (Subjectivity) is our true nature.” Hui Neng

“Our original Buddha-nature is, in highest truth, devoid of any atom of objectivity.” Huang Po

“I’ve told you all that constitutes the very core of Truth; there is no you, no me, no Superior Being, no disciple, no guru.” Dattatreya

“Moreover, in thus contemplating the totality of phenomena, you are contemplating the totality of Mind. All these phenomena are intrinsically void and yet this Mind with which they are identical is no mere nothingness.” Huang Po

“Phenomena only exist in the mind that perceives them.” Tibetan Book of the Dead

“What you are looking for is what is looking.” St. Francis of Assisi (attrib.)

“Simply see the world as yourself. Embrace things as they are.” Lao Tzu

“If this principle is understood, that will amount to real deliverance, for the attainment of which there can be no other method.” Hui Hai (trans. John Blofeld 1948)

“Why this talk of seeing into your own nature?……That Nature and your perception of it are one.” Huang Po

“Seeing that one cannot see the absence-of-things (subjectivity) is true seeing, permanent seeing.” Shen Hui

“There is absolutely nothing which can be attained.” Huang Po, Wan Ling Record

“Form is emptiness and emptiness is form. Emptiness is nothing but form, and form is nothing but emptiness. Apart from nothing there is no anything, and apart from anything there is no nothing. Apart from our phenomenal world there is no Void, and apart from the Void, there is no phenomenal world.” Heart Sutra

“Since there is no room in the Infinite even for nothingness, I cannot be nothing; and since the Infinite has no parts, I am therefore the Whole.” Shaikh Ahmad al Alawi (1870-1932).

“The essential Understanding is that in reality nothing is. This is so obvious that it is not perceived.” Wei Wu Wei

“There is neither creation nor destruction, neither destiny nor free will, neither path nor achievement. This is the final truth.” Ramana Maharshi (1879-1950)

“The very idea of going beyond the dream is illusory. Why go anywhere? Just realise that you are dreaming a dream you call the world, and stop looking for ways out. The dream is not your problem. Your problem is that you like one part of the dream and not another. When you have seen the dream as a dream, you have done all that needs to be done.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

(1897?-1981)

“There is no such thing as an entity. Now you know you are awake because you are here and you have that knowledge. There is nothing else other than this knowledge, no entity.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

“Greater than the greatest good in life is to know who we are.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

“With the belief in the individual entity/doer, problems never cease. When the illusory nature of the individual is seen, problems never arise.” Ramesh Balsekar

“There is a Presence that is unnameable that thought cannot touch. It is not your possession; it is what you are.” Adyashanti

“From the perspective of the infinite it is obvious that the individual self absolutely does not exist. The idea that we have a self that controls, arbitrates, or is the doer behind our actions, is absurd. The individual self is nothing but an idea of who we are.” Suzanne Segal

“All said and done: everything is I and I am no thing. All phenomena are objective manifestations. What I am objectively is the totality of phenomenal manifestation. What I am subjectively is all that all phenomena are. Nothing personal about it anywhere or at any stage. The personal notion is not inherent and is the whole trouble.” Wei Wu Wei

“I am Presence; not I am present or you are present or he is present. When one sees the situation as it really is, that no individual is involved, that what is present is Presence as a whole, then the moment this is perceived there is liberation.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

“The Vastness is perceiving itself out of itself at every moment, within every particle of itself everywhere simultaneously.” Suzanne Segal

“ So-called self-realization is the discovery for yourself that there is no self to discover.” U.G.Krishnamurti

“You will come in due course to realise that your true glory lies where you cease to exist.” Ramana Maharshi

“What is real does not die. What is unreal never lived.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

“A person is not a thing or a process but an opening through which the absolute manifests.” Martin Heidegger

“Pure Apperceiving is the subjective Functioning of Potential, sense perception is the temporal reflex in objectivity, phenomena are a conceptual interpretation of that. Therefore that which they are is the mind that is perceiving them. True Apperceiving is perceiving that, as mind, you are bringing into apparent existence whatever you perceive. Consequently the fundamental nature of all phenomena is the Apperceiving of it.” Wei Wu Wei

“An eye cannot see itself, and Truth cannot express itself,because, being non-duality, it cannot be conveyed dualistically as the object of a subject.” Wei Wu Wei

“There is no such thing as an entity. Now you know you are awake because you are here and you have that knowledge. There is nothing else other than this knowledge, no entity.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

“The Void is nothing, absolutely nothing – and Nothing is absolutely everything. For both exist in mind.” Wei Wu Wei

“The essential Understanding is that in reality nothing is. This is so obvious that it is not perceived.” Wei Wu Wei


“You see, the search takes you away from yourself; it is in the opposite direction. It has absolutely no relation. The search is always in the wrong direction, so that all you consider very profound, all that you consider sacred is a contamination in that consciousness. You may not like the word ‘contamination’ but all that you consider sacred, holy and profound is a contamination.” U.G. Krishnamurti


“What is real does not die. What is unreal never lived. Once you know that death happens to the body and not to you, you just watch your body falling off like a discarded garment. The real you is timeless and beyond life and death. The body will survive as long as it is needed. It is not important that it should live long.” Nisargadatta Maharaj


Neem Keroli Baba

Devyaparadhaksamapana Stotram
na mantram no yantram tadapi ca na jane stutimaho
na cahvanam dhyanam tadapi ca na jane stutikathah
na jane mudraste tadapi ca na jane vilapanam
param jane matastva danusaranam klesaharanam

Neither do I know chants nor do I know methods, nor do I know how to make prayer. I don’t know how to invoke you nor how to meditate, I have no knowledge of any songs. I don’t know any signs (mudras) and I don’t know the method of imploring deep pleading. But I know one thing for sure, if I follow you (within the folds of your love) I will be released from all my troubles.

vidher-ajnanena dravina-virahenalasataya
vidheya sakyatvat-tava caranayor-ya cyutir-abhut
tad-etat ksantavyam janani sakaloddharini sive
kuputro jayeta kvacidapi kumata na bhavati.

O, Kind Mother (the Liberator of all without discrimination), I don’t know the method of doing puja and I am also lazy by nature. I also do not have the capacity to do the right kind of prayer, With all these shortcomings, if there have been any mistakes, please overlook them. Because a son can be bad, however, it is not in the Mother’s nature to be bad.

prthivyam putraste janani bahavah santi saralah
param tesam madhye viralataralo ham tava sutah
madiyo yam tyagah samucitamidam no tava sive
kuputro jayeta kvacidapi kumata na bhavati.

O, Mother, on this earth you have many good sons and daughters but out of all these I am the most bad child of yours 0, Goddess, you have forsaken me because I have not concentrated on you, this is not reasonable, Because a son can be bad, however, it is not in the Mother’s nature to be bad.

jaganmatarmatastava caranaseva na racita
na va dattam devi dravinamapi bhuyastava maya
tathapi tvam sneham mayi nirupamam yatprakuruse
kuputro jayeta kvachidapi kumata na bhavati

O, Mother of the Universe, I have never rubbed your feet or done any sort of service, I have not given you wealth, but even strangely enough, you are bestowing your grace on undeserving me Because a son can be bad, however, it is not in the Mother’s nature to be bad.

parityakta deva vividha-vidha-seva kulataya
maya pancagiter-adhikam-apanite tu vayasi
idanim cen-matas-tava yadi krpa napi bhavita
niralambo lambodara-janani kam yami saranam.

O, Paravati Ma, Mother who has given birth to Ganesh, while I do prayers to other gods, I remain busy with different kinds of works, all gods have left me because I ‘m eighty-five years, and I can not give them all the prayers. I am despaired and I can not expect any help from them. If you also leave me at this time where shall I go for support except to you?

svapako jalpako bhavati madhu-pakopama-gira
niratanko ranko viharati ciram koti-kanakaih.
tavaparne karne visati manuvarne phalam-idam
janah ko janite janani japaniyam japa-vidhau

O, Mother! If anybody hears even a word of your chant, the result is–even the meanest man can utter the sweet pronunciation of this chant like honey and he becomes a very proficient speaker, The poorest man, you will find suitable work for him (The poorest man enjoys millions of pieces gold ) When even a word of your chant has such a result, the ones who are doing it regularly and methodically, we can not fathom what the result will be, and who is that mortal who can know it?

cita-bhasmalepo garalam-asanam dik-pata-dharo
jata-dhan kanthe bhujaga-pati-hanr pasupatih
kapall bhutego bhajati jagadlrgaika-padavim
bhavani tvatpani grahana-paripati-phalam-idam

O, Goddess, Bhavani, the Adi-Goddess, the one who rubs his body with ashes and whose fool is poison, and the one whose body is nude, and has matted hair and a necklace of cobras and a hung skull in his hands as an alms bowl, gets that name of Jagadeesh (the Lord of the World) what is the reason for this? How did he get such an immanent position? It is only because of the union with you, and by this his importance has increased

na mokshas-yakanksa bhava-vibhava-vanchapi ca na me
na vijnana-peksa sasimukhi sukhecchapi na punah
atastvam samyace janani jananam yatu mama vai
mrdani rudrani siva siva bhavaniti japatah

O, the Mother whose countenance is like the moon! I do not have any desire for deliverance (moksha), I do not have any desire for worldly wealth. I do not have any craving for knowledge. I also do not want happiness. . . so I have this prayer that the rest of my life may pass in uttering all the names of the Goddess.

naradhitasi vidhina vividhopacaraih
kim ruksa cintana-parair-na krtam vacobhih
syame tvameva yadi kincana mayyanathe
dhatse krpam-ucitam-amba param tavaiva

O, Mother! Shayam, (the blue-bodied one), I could not do methodically your puja or prayer with various religious articles (demeaning oneself before the Godgess). Always my meditation was not crystal clear because it had the hurdness. What fault did I have with all these shortcomings? You bestow on me the greatest grace which is only deserving of you. such a merciful mother can give shelter to such an undeserving son.

Doha:
apatsu magnah smaranam tvadiyam, karomi durge karunarnavesi. naitacchathatvam mama bhavayethah, ksudhatrsarta jananim smaranti.

O, Mother! Durga! The ocean of mercy! I am remembering you because I have got all around me the difficulties. I did not pray before this. Kindly don’t consider this prayer of mine as my wickedness, because the child who is suffering from hunger and thirst, only remembers the Mother.

jagadamba vicitram atra kim, paripurna karunasti cenmayi
aparadha-parampara-param na hi, mata samupeksate sutam

O, Mother of the universe. I am not surprised, because of your complete grace. A son may do fault after fault, but the mother never ignores him.

matsamah pataki nasti papaghni tvatsama na hi
evam jnatva mahadevi yatha-yogyam tatha kuru

O, Mahadevi, Great Goddess, there is no sinner like me on the earth and there is no other person condoning the sins except you. Knowing all this, you do whatever you think is reasonable.

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DSM 5 drafted, Kill Ugly Radio and Friends

In what has to be considered a bold move, the APA has posted the draft of the DSM 5 on the web and made it available for reading and comment here. A variety of changes and non-changes are already attracting attention. One of my favorite blog authors, at Furious Seasons, has inspected enough of it to raise some concerns.

You can see for yourself (please), but here are the things I noticed browsing through the current draft in order of appearance:

Disorders usually first diagnosed in infancy, childhood, adolescence

I am especially concerned with the labeling of children with psychiatric disorders. For the most part, kids don’t “misbehave” because they are crazy. More likely explanations are that their behavior is a natural and even positive coping mechanism for dealing with seriously wrong family environment issues. Other common reasons for “odd” behavior in children are food or environmental allergies and medical or metabolic problems. Regardless of what the behaviorists might say, the reason why people act the way they do is sometimes very important and is often their best response they can have to biological, social and traumatic factors in their lives.

Temper dysregulation with dysphoria is proposed with the parameters available here. The positive side of this potentially stigmatizing new diagnosis for kids is that it is not the Child Bi-Polar Disorder that has been promoted by both the FDA and the friendly shrinks at Harvard. Of course any diagnosis invites the possibility of medicating the behavior but at least it won’t be an automatic road to a jumbo list of potentially dangerous mind altering chemical restraints. So, no doubt, they will have to develop a new list for this new diagnosis.

Another new diagnosis for kids, a conduct disorder, is labeled Callous and Unemotional Specifier for Conduct Disorder. This was not in the previous DSM. The jury is out how this might be suppressed with drugs.

Non Suicidal Self Injury has been added as a diagnosis for kids. I can hardly wait for the good folks at GSK or Lilly to bring out a new pill for this one. Since self-injurious behavior is often a normal response to severe trauma, it might be good if someone looked behind the curtain before attaching the label.

Some old/DSM 4 disorders for kids are being removed or subsumed under the heading of other existing disorder categories including Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Asperger’s Disorder and Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS, all of which will be under the general heading of Autism Spectrum Disorder. (That Child Disintegrative thing sounds very dangerous.)

For grownups

We now have Psychotic Risk Disorder. There are plenty of subjective, unscientific criteria for this one. Like this phrase- “but of sufficient severity and/or frequency so as to be beyond normal“- I suppose you have to go to school to know what normal is. Just sop you won’t confuse it with other disorders they say “characteristic attenuated psychotic symptoms are not better explained by another DSM-V diagnosis“. That’s a relief.

Several types of Schizophrenia are being removed- paranoid type, catatonic type, disorganized type etc. I suppose they are all going to be under the general heading of Schizophrenia. Another to be removed is something called “Shared Psychotic Disorder”.  I need to look that up- sounds like a friendly sort of illness. Misery loves company but psychosis no longer does in the new DSM.

Mindfreedom News/ lazy blogger

Off the subject (really) but related, there is a good collection of news from Mindfreedom here about the impact of the mental health consumer movement in Lane County, Oregon. Two news items of interest to Oregonians and others originated from Lane County today:

** Eugene Weekly newspaper covers alternatives to psychiatric drugs.
MindFreedom activists are quoted several times.

** Now you can compare Lane County’s ‘guidelines’ for empowerment of
mental health clients, with a stronger version recommended by Lane
County Mental Health Consumer/Survivor Council.

So check it out at the link above.

Kill Ugly Radio-

Check out the archived show celebrating famous people who died in 2009. There is not much more to say.

Everything else

Dao de jing, T. Chilcott

limitlesslifesutra

Tunes-unto-the-Infinite

WilliamPennReGeorgeFox

The Project Gutenberg EBook of Rootabaga Stories

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Filed under Chinese poetry, CS/X movement, Free E-Books, Mental Hell Treatment, mindfreedom news, Music, silly, sound bite, Spirituality

News Roundup Plus+

I have been so completely swamped by events and work so far this decade that it has been difficult to keep y’ll updated, inspired or entertained. So, today I resolve to correct this problem. At least a little bit.

working backwards:

March 19-26, Romero Legacy Delegation to El Salvador

March 24, 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of the assassination of Monseñor Oscar Romero, Archbishop of El Salvador, on the orders of a graduate of the School of the Americas. SOA Watch and Father Roy Bourgeous will be leading a delegation to El Salvador to commemorate this individual who died fighting for the rights of the common folk in that country.

If you are interested in learning more about Oscar Romero and go here:

http://soaw.org/docs/esdelegation.pdf

More blogging on Bishop Romero: http://annaarcosdiary.wordpress.com/2009/11/08/archbishop-romeros-murder/

For even more about Romero:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Óscar_Romero or

http://www.silk.net/RelEd/romero.htm

Friday night is MLBM- Mad Radio

And we have especially good reasons to be mad this week. Portland police have shown how they handle people in crisis once again. This week, police killed a man who was suicidal following the death of his brother that same day.

News excerpt:

Police said Frashour shot and killed Aaron Marcell Campbell only after Campbell began making statements to officers that they were going to have to shoot him and behaved in a threatening manner.

According to a news release, Campbell had told a friend that he wanted to commit suicide by having the police shoot him.

The shooting followed by less than 12 hours the death of Campell’s brother, Timothy Douglass, who succumbed to heart failure at an area hospital.

Campbell’s mother, Marva Campbell, said Campbell was “distraught” about his brother’s death.

The mother was distraught. I’d think so after losing 2 children in one day. What else did the police say about this?

Police said the man came out after 6 p.m. and initially cooperated. But they said Campbell then stopped complying and told officers would have to shoot him. Wheat said an officer first fired beanbag rounds but when Campbell “acted threateningly,” Frashour shot him with an AR-15 rifle.

For the police information release, you can go here.

As long as we’re on my home town, Shock (Electro Convulsive Therapy, ECT) is alive and well in Portland, Oregon. At least we are not alone.

It’s the new/ old thing.

In modern ECT, the patient is sedated and paralyzed. Then an electrical charge is delivered through the scalp, inducing a seizure. Because of the muscle-relaxing drugs, the convulsion is barely observable.


Judi Chamberin dies at age 65

The “grandmother of mental health consumer advocacy passed away after a long battle with a chronic illness. Judi reported on her condition and struggle in her blog, Life as a Hospice Patient.


Duh

Metabolic risks remain largely unmonitored in Medicaid patients taking
antipsychotics* January 4th, 2010 in Medicine & Health / Medications


*Despite government warnings and professional recommendations about diabetes risks associated with second-generation antipsychotic drugs, fewer than one-third of Medicaid patients who are treated with these medications
undergo tests of blood glucose or lipid levels, according to a report in the
January issue of Archives of General Psychiatry, one of the JAMA/Archives
journals.*

In 2003, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) began requiring a warning on labels of second-generation antipsychotics-including olanzapine, fluoxetine and risperidone-describing an increased risk for high blood sugar and diabetes, according to background information in the article. The warning
stated that glucose levels should be monitored in patients with diabetes, at
risk for the disease or with symptoms of high blood glucose. At the same
time, the American Diabetes Association and American Psychiatric Association published a consensus statement describing the metabolic risks associated with second-generation antipsychotics and specifying a monitoring protocol for all patients receiving these medications.

Elaine H. Morrato, Dr.P.H., M.P.H., of the University of Colorado Denver,
and colleagues studied laboratory claims data from the Medicaid population
of three states (California, Missouri and Oregon) between 2002 and 2005.
Metabolic testing (testing of blood glucose and lipid levels) rates were
compared between a group of 109,451 patients receiving second-generation
antipsychotics and a control group of 203,527 who began taking albuterol (an
asthma drug) but not an antipsychotic. Rates were also compared before and
after the FDA warning.

Initial testing rates for patients treated with second-generation
antipsychotics were low-27 percent underwent glucose testing and 10 percent underwent lipid testing. The FDA warning was not associated with any
increase in glucose testing and only a marginal increase in lipid testing
rates (1.7 percent). “Testing rates and trends in second-generation
antipsychotic-treated patients were not different from background rates
observed in the albuterol control group,” the authors write.

New prescriptions of olanzapine, which carries a higher metabolic risk,
declined during the warning period. Prescriptions of the lower-risk drug
aripiprazole increased, but this may also be attributable to the elimination
of prior authorization for the drug in California during the same timeframe.

“Although this retrospective study was not able to identify or quantify
reasons why laboratory screening did not increase after the FDA warnings,
whereas prescribing practices did change, we might speculate on some
possible explanations,” the authors write. Switching to lower-risk drugs or
avoiding drug treatment altogether may be simpler than the initiation of new
screening procedures. In addition, although surveys have shown that
psychiatrists are aware of the metabolic risk factors of these drugs,
primary care providers who would generally order the necessary laboratory
tests may not be.

“More effort is needed to ensure that patients who receive second-generation
antipsychotic drugs are screened for diabetes and dyslipidemia and monitored for potential adverse drug effects, beginning with baseline testing of serum glucose and lipids, so that patients can receive appropriate preventive care and treatment,” the authors conclude.

*More information:* Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2010;67[1]:17-24.


MLBM

Did I happen to mention that Friday night, tomorrow, 2/5/10 at 1 am (I know that this is technically Saturday the 6th but- hey, give me a break, it’s only radio, right?)?

As always, we’ll be on KBOO, 90.7 FM in Portland or streamed on the web at kboo.fm.  You can join the conversation- Call 503-231-8187 between 1 and 2 am Friday night.

You can also find our old shows (at least for the past year or so) by clicking the MLBM tab above.

Another thing you can find on Moonsoup today, if you haven’t had time to check out the secret pages, is this memorial to those of us with mental illness diagnosis who have died too young. Go here.

Now for Something Completely Different

Hare Rama Hare Krishna – 05 – Dance Music – Part 1

Hare Rama Hare Krishna – 09 – Dance Music – Part 2

Krishnamurti + David Bohm – The Future of Humananity

Bird Songs on Bear Creek – Relaxation Meditation – 47 min

Bye for now, happy new year and such.

(really big space picture below, click for full size- it’s the Subaru observatory (ESA) deep field view of the “Jewel Box”.

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Announcement First, Then Truth

Announcement: The Mad Liberation by Moonlight radio program for this month is cancelled- pre-empted actually. Our radio station, KBOO (90.7 FM in Portland, OR, or at kboo.fm on your internet dial). The annual John Lennon Birthday Marathon is happening on Friday, 10/9/09; coinciding with John’s birthday. KBOO will be playing (and streaming) Lennon music from 9 pm Friday evening to 8 am Saturday morning, thereby taking our slot for October.

Sadly, this is the Harvest Moon, here in the US and it’s a doozy. Ah, but I don’t care. John L. deserves our respect if for no other reason than John Lennon – Working Class Hero. Or even this: John Lennon – Beatles Breakup Interview 1970.

We will be back on the air next month on the Friday night following the full-moon. Consult your looner calendar for showtimes (looks sorta like the dark night of November 6th at 1 am, or really the morning of 11/7 if you want to be picky; you don’t want to be picky do you??)

lunareclipsesequence

Truth

Lots of things are true. Maybe everything, depending on perspective. These are some sources of perspective I would like to share.

truuthy

First from my own personal spiritual tradition- the Society of Friends. Following are excerpts from a pamphlet by Thomas S. Brown, what we would call a “weighty Friend”. After the short excerpt is a complete download of the publication, free to share. I had to convert from PDF because, well, WordPress doesn’t seem to like PDF and the formatting becomes a bit jerky. Thomas Brown:

To know the Truth is not to accept it by an act of the

intellect, as a man may know the Greek alphabet, or as a

man may know his neighbor across the street. To know

the Truth is, rather, like the way in which man and wife

know each other, a life of wholly shared commitment, of

utter trust, of freedom from fear. Indeed, there is no

knowledge of the Truth where there is no commitment

which results in significant action, for the living root

produces living fruit after its own kind. We know the

presence of love, not by sighs and simpers, nor even by

desire, but by its power to lift men and women outside

themselves and to live beyond themselves. Honor is known

by honorable actions. Beauty is known by its creation among

us. Truth is not a group of intellectual concepts to be

manipulated at will like the symbols in mathematics or

the notes in music: Truth is living and life-giving, and those

who have welcomed the Truth have life.

This is crucial: it is not that we discover the Truth

and make it our own for our own purposes as men might

harness a mountain stream to light their houses or run

their machines. We are, rather, discovered by the Truth,

and are given power by the Truth to light our souls. We are

besieged by the Truth, who stands knocking at the door,

the Hound of Heaven, our Imperious Lover and Tyrannical

Servant, who would give us our hearts’ desire if we would

only throw our selfish desires away, and who longs to release

us from the folly of the “freedom of choice” we seem to think

so important even on matters of life and death.

Download: ThePersonalRelevanceOfTruth

Dalai_Lama_pointing (1)

Not exactly on the same page but an interesting find: Words of Truth by HH Dalai Lama. This is more of a prayer for Tibet and all others who suffer.  Excerpt follows:

               O Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and disciples
                  of the past, present, and future:
                     Having remarkable qualities
                   immeasurably vast as the ocean,
               Who regard all helpless sentient beings
                         as your only child;
          Please consider the truth of my anguished pleas.
                                        
                                        
         Buddha's full teachings dispel the pain of worldly
                 existence and self-oriented peace;
   May they flourish, spreading prosperity and happiness through-
                      out this spacious world.
                  O holders of the Dharma: scholars
                     and realized practitioners;
            May your ten fold virtuous practice prevail.
                                        
                                        
                  Humble sentient beings, tormented
                    by sufferings without cease,
             Completely suppressed by seemingly endless
                and terribly intense, negative deeds,
          May all their fears from unbearable war, famine,
                      and disease be pacified,
       To freely breathe an ocean of happiness and well-being.
                  And particularly the pious people
          of the Land of Snows who, through various means,
            Are mercilessly destroyed by barbaric hordes
                      on the side of darkness,
           Kindly let the power of your compassion arise,
            To quickly stem the flow of blood and tears.
Download (with legal rights to share included): WORDS OF TRUTH
I apologize for the tiny font. Dagnabbit! 
I can't get the post editor to make 'em bigger. Get out your spectacles.
Rumi chimes in here:
Christian, Jew, Muslim, shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the mystery, unique and not to be judged.
Cross_and_Crescent_of_light Everyone is so afraid of death, but the real sufis just laugh: 
nothing tyrannizes their hearts. What strikes the oyster shell 
does not damage the pearl.

If in thirst you drink water from a cup, you see God in it. 
Those who are not in love with God will see only their own faces in it.

He is a letter to everyone. You open it. It says, 'Live!'

In truth everything and everyone
Is a shadow of the Beloved,
And our seeking is His seeking
And our words are His words...
We search for Him here and there,
while looking right at Him.
Sitting by His side, we ask:
'O Beloved, where is the Beloved?'

God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you 
by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly - not one.

Remember, the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you.
For more Rumi, go here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/18791792/THE-MATHNAWI-Book-1-2-RUMI or look around my blog.
magnetic_field
Miscellaneous Truth:
Peace and Nonviolence 01
text of above: peace
God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose.  Take which you please - you can never have both.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.  ~Aldous Huxley

Truth, like milk, arrives in the dark
But even so, wise dogs don't bark.
Only mongrels make it hard
For the milkman to come up the yard.
~Christopher Morley, Dogs Don't Bark at the Milkman

It is error alone which needs the support of government.  Truth can stand by itself.  ~Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia

I never dreamed of being Shakespeare or Goethe, and I never expected to hold the great mirror of truth up before the world; I dreamed only of being a little pocket mirror, the sort that a woman can carry in her purse; one that reflects small blemishes, and some great beauties, when held close enough to the heart.  ~Peter Altenberg

The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths.  ~William James

Men ardently pursue truth, assuming it will be angels' bread when found.  ~W. MacNeile Dixon

There is no god higher than truth.  ~Mahatma Gandhi
Just for the heck of it:
A Century of Recorded Poetry, Vol 4, 32, Li-Young Lee - My Father, in Heaven, Is Reading Out Loud

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Upanishads, Part 2

Scroll down a ways for Part 1.

Max Muller Translation, mostly. I just finished cleaning up the text tonight- eliminating some verbose debris, removing the original page numbers and fixing weird paragraph splits. This is a 19th century translation and they tend to run on and on. The upside is that it is public domain.

This is it (the full 262 pages): UpanishadsPt2MaxMuller

sri_yantra

Excerpt from Part 2, complete with Muller’s notes:

BRIHADARANYAKA-UPANISHAD

FIRST ADHYAYA [*1].

FIRST BRAHMANA.

1. Verily [*2] the dawn is the head of the horse which is fit for sacrifice, the sun its eye, the wind its breath, the mouth the Vaisvanara [*3] fire, the year the body of the sacrificial horse. Heaven is the back, the sky the belly, the earth the chest [*4], the quarters the two sides, the intermediate quarters the ribs, the members the seasons, the joints the months and half-months, the feet days and nights, the bones the stars, the flesh the clouds. The half-digested food is the sand, the rivers the bowels [*1], the liver and the lungs [*2] the mountains, the hairs the herbs and trees. As the sun rises, it is the forepart, as it sets, the hindpart of the horse. When the horse shakes itself [*3], then it lightens; when it kicks, it thunders; when it makes water, it rains; voice [*4] is its voice.

2. Verily Day arose after the horse as the (golden) vessel [*5], called Mahiman (greatness), which (at the sacrifice) is placed before the horse. Its place is in the Eastern sea. The Night arose after the horse as the (silver) vessel, called Mahiman, which (at the sacrifice) is placed behind the horse. Its place is in the Western sea. Verily, these two vessels (or greatnesses) arose to be on each side of the horse.

As a racer he carried the Devas, as a stallion the Gandharvas, as a runner the Asuras, as a horse men. The sea is its kin, the sea is its birthplace.

Footnotes

^73:1 It is the third Adhyaya of the Aranyaka, but the first of the Upanishad.

^73:2 This Brahmana is found in the Madhyandina text of the Satapatha, ed. Weber, X, 6, 4. Its object is there explained by the commentary to be the meditative worship of Virag, as represented metaphorically in the members of the horse. Sayana dispenses with its explanation, because, as part of the Brihadaranyaka-upanishad, according to the Kanva-sakha, it had been enlarged on by the Varttikakara and explained.

^73:3 Agni or fire, as pervading everything, as universally present in nature.

^73:4 Pagasya is doubtful. The commentator suggests pad-asya, the place of the feet, i.e. the hoof The Greek Pegasos, or ippoi peloi, throws no light on the word. The meaning of hoof would hardly be appropriate here, and I prefer chest on account of uras in I, 2, 3. Deussen (Vedanta, p. 8) translates, die Erde seiner Fusse Schemel; but we want some part of the horse.

^74:1 Guda, being in the plural, is explained by nadi, channel, and sirah; for we ought to read sira or hiragrahane for sira, p. 22, l. 16.

^74:2 Klomanah is explained as a plurale tantum (nityam bahuvakanam ekasmin), and being described as a lump below the heart, on the opposite side of the liver, it is supposed to be the lungs.

^74:3 ‘When it yawns.’ Anandagiri.

^74:4 Voice is sometimes used as a personified power of thunder and other aerial sounds, and this is identified with the voice of the horse.

^74:5 Two vessels, to hold the sacrificial libations, are placed at the Asvamedha before and behind the horse, the former made of gold, the latter made of silver. They are called Mahiman in the technical language of the ceremonial. The place in which these vessels are set, is called their yoni. Cf. Vagas. Samhita XXIII, 2.

Hindu-shiva

SECOND BRAHMANA [*6].

1. In the beginning there was nothing (to be perceived) here whatsoever. By Death indeed all this was concealed,–by hunger; for death is hunger. Death (the first being) thought, ‘Let me have a body.’ Then he moved about, worshipping. From him thus worshipping water was produced. And he said: ‘Verily, there appeared to me, while I worshipped (arkate), water (ka).’ This is why water is called ar-ka [*1]. Surely there is water (or pleasure) for him who thus knows the reason why water is called arka.

2. Verily water is arka. And what was there as the froth of the water, that was hardened, and became the earth. On that earth he (Death) rested, and from him, thus resting and heated, Agni (Virag) proceeded, full of light.

3. That being divided itself threefold, Aditya (the sun) as the third, and Vayu (the air) as the third [*2]. That spirit (prana) [*3] became threefold. The head was the Eastern quarter, and the arms this and that quarter (i. e. the N. E. and S. E., on the left and right sides). Then the tail was the Western quarter, and the two legs this and that quarter (i. e. the N. W. and S. W.) The sides were the Southern and Northern quarters, the back heaven, the belly the sky, the dust the earth. Thus he (Mrityu, as arka) stands firm in the water, and he who knows this stands firm wherever he goes.

4. He desired [*1], ‘Let a second body be born of me,’ and he (Death or Hunger) embraced Speech in his mind. Then the seed became the year. Before that time there was no year. Speech [*2] bore him so long as a year, and after that time sent him forth. Then when he was born, he (Death) opened his mouth, as if to swallow him. He cried Bhan! and that became speech [*3].

5. He thought, ‘If I kill him, I shall have but little food.’ He therefore brought forth by that speech and by that body (the year) all whatsoever exists, the Rik, the Yagus, the Saman, the metres, the sacrifices, men, and animals.

And whatever he (Death) brought forth, that he resolved to eat (ad). Verily because he eats everything, therefore is Aditi (Death) called Aditi. He who thus knows why Aditi is called Aditi, becomes an eater of everything, and everything becomes his food [*4].

6. He desired to sacrifice again with a greater sacrifice. He toiled and performed penance. And while he toiled and performed penance, glorious power [*1] went out of him. Verily glorious power means the senses (prana). Then when the senses had gone out, the body took to swelling (sva-yitum), and mind was in the body.

7. He desired that this body should be fit for sacrifice (medhya), and that he should be embodied by it. Then he became a horse (asva), because it swelled (asvat), and was fit for sacrifice (medhya); and this is why the horse-sacrifice is called Asva-medha.

Verily he who knows him thus, knows the Asvamedha. Then, letting the horse free, he thought [*2], and at the end of a year he offered it up for himself, while he gave up the (other) animals to the deities. Therefore the sacrificers offered up the purified horse belonging to Pragapati, (as dedicated) to all the deities.

Verily the shining sun is the Asvamedha-sacrifice, and his body is the year; Agni is the sacrificial fire (arka), and these worlds are his bodies. These two are the sacrificial fire and the Asvamedha-sacrifice, and they are again one deity, viz. Death. He (who knows this) overcomes another death, death does not reach him, death is his Self, he becomes one of those deities.

Aum_Om_Hinduism_symbol_Aum_5

THIRD BRAHMANA [*1].

1. There were two kinds of descendants of Pragapati, the Devas and the Asuras [*2]. Now the Devas were indeed the younger, the Asuras the elder ones [*3]. The Devas, who were struggling in these worlds, said: ‘Well, let us overcome the Asuras at the sacrifices (the Gyotishtoma) by means of the udgitha.’

2. They said to speech (Vak): ‘Do thou sing out for us (the udgitha).’ ‘Yes,’ said speech, and sang (the udgitha). Whatever delight there is in speech, that she obtained for the Devas by singing (the three pavamanas); but that she pronounced well (in the other nine pavamanas), that was for herself. The Asuras knew: ‘Verily, through this singer they will overcome us.’ They therefore rushed at the singer and pierced her with evil. That evil which consists in saying what is bad, that is that evil.

3. Then they (the Devas) said to breath (scent): ‘Do thou sing out for us.’ ‘Yes,’ said breath, and sang. Whatever delight there is in breath (smell), that he obtained for the Devas by singing; but that he smelled well, that was for himself. The Asuras knew: ‘Verily, through this singer they will overcome us.’ They therefore rushed at the singer, and pierced him with evil. That evil which consists in smelling what is bad, that is that evil.

4. Then they said to the eye: ‘Do thou sing out for us.’ ‘Yes,’ said the eye, and sang. Whatever delight there is in the eye, that he obtained for the Devas by singing; but that he saw well, that was for himself The Asuras knew: ‘Verily, through this singer they will overcome us.’ They therefore rushed at the singer, and pierced him with evil. That evil which consists in seeing what is bad, that is that evil.

5. Then they said to the ear: ‘Do thou sing out for us.’ ‘Yes,’ said the ear, and sang. Whatever delight there is in the ear, that he obtained for the Devas by singing; but that he heard well, that was for himself. The Asuras knew: ‘Verily, through this singer they will overcome us.’ They therefore rushed at the singer, and pierced him with evil. That evil which consists in hearing what is bad, that is that evil.

6. Then they said to the mind: ‘Do thou sing out for us.’ ‘Yes,’ said the mind, and sang. Whatever delight there is in the mind, that he obtained for the Devas by singing; but that he thought well, that was for himself. The Asuras knew: ‘Verily, through this singer they will overcome us.’ They therefore rushed at the singer, and pierced him with evil. That evil which consists in thinking what is bad, that is that evil.

Thus they overwhelmed these deities with evils, thus they pierced them with evil.

7. Then they said to the breath in the mouth [*1]: ‘Do thou sing for us.’ ‘Yes,’ said the breath, and sang. The Asuras knew: ‘Verily, through this singer they will overcome us.’ They therefore rushed at him and pierced him with evil. Now as a ball of earth will be scattered when hitting a stone, thus they perished, scattered in all directions. Hence the Devas rose, the Asuras fell. He who knows this, rises by his self, and the enemy who hates him falls.

8. Then they (the Devas) said: ‘Where was he then who thus stuck to us [*1]?’ It was (the breath) within the mouth (asye ‘ntar [*2]), and therefore called Ayasya; he was the sap (rasa) of the limbs (anga), and therefore called Angirasa.

9. That deity was called Dur, because Death was far (duran) from it. From him who knows this, Death is far off.

10. That deity, after having taken away the evil of those deities, viz. death, sent it to where the end of the quarters of the earth is. There he deposited their sins. Therefore let no one go to a man, let no one go to the end (of the quarters of the earth [*3]), that he may not meet there with evil, with death.

11. That deity, after having taken away the evil of those deities, viz. death, carried them beyond death.

12. He carried speech across first. When speech had become freed from death, it became (what it had been before) Agni (fire). That Agni, after having stepped beyond death, shines.

13. Then he carried breath (scent) across. When breath had become freed from death, it became Vayu (air). That Vayu, after having stepped beyond death, blows.

14. Then he carried the eye across. When the eye had become freed from death, it became Aditya (the sun). That Aditya, after having stepped beyond death, burns.

15. Then he carried the ear across. When the ear had become freed from death, it became the quarters (space). These are our quarters (space), which have stepped beyond death.

16. Then he carried the mind across. When the mind had become freed from death, it became the moon (Kandramas). That moon, after having stepped beyond death, shines. Thus does that deity carry him, who knows this, across death.

17. Then breath (vital), by singing, obtained for himself eatable food. For whatever food is eaten, is eaten by breath alone, and in it breath rests [*1].

The Devas said: ‘Verily, thus far, whatever food there is, thou hast by singing acquired it for thyself. Now therefore give us a share in that food.’ He said: ‘You there, enter into me.’ They said Yes, and entered all into him. Therefore whatever food is eaten by breath, by it the other senses are satisfied.

18. If a man knows this, then his own relations come to him in the same manner; he becomes their supporter, their chief leader, their strong ruler [*2]. And if ever anyone tries to oppose [*3] one who is possessed of such knowledge among his own relatives, then he will not be able to support his own belongings. But he who follows the man who is possessed of such knowledge, and who with his permission wishes to support those whom he has to support, he indeed will be able to support his own belongings.

19. He was called Ayasya Angirasa, for he is the sap (rasa) of the limbs (anga). Verily, breath is the sap of the limbs. Yes, breath is the sap of the limbs. Therefore from whatever limb breath goes away, that limb withers, for breath verily is the sap of the limbs.

20. He (breath) is also Brihaspati, for speech is Brihati (Rig-veda), and he is her lord; therefore he is Brihaspati.

2 1. He (breath) is also Brahmanaspati, for speech is Brahman (Yagur-veda), and he is her lord; therefore he is Brahmanaspati.

He (breath) is also Saman (the Udgitha), for speech is Saman (Sama-veda), and that is both speech (sa) and breath (ama) [*1]. This is why Saman is called Saman.

22. Or because he is equal (sama) to a grub, equal to a gnat, equal to an elephant, equal to these three worlds, nay, equal to this universe, therefore he is Saman. He who thus knows this Saman, obtains union and oneness with Saman.

23. He (breath) is Udgitha [*2]. Breath verily is Ut, for by breath this universe is upheld (uttabdha); and speech is Githa, song. And because he is ut and githa, therefore he (breath) is Udgitha.

24. And thus Brahmadatta Kaikitaneya (the grandson of Kikitana), while taking Soma (ragan), said: ‘May this Soma strike my head off, if Ayasya Angirasa sang another Udgitha than this. He sang it indeed as speech and breath.’

25. He who knows what is the property of this Saman, obtains property. Now verily its property is tone only. Therefore let a priest, who is going to perform the sacrificial work of a Sama-singer, desire that his voice may have a good tone, and let him perform the sacrifice with a voice that is in good tone. Therefore people (who want a priest) for a sacrifice, look out for one who possesses a good voice, as for one who possesses property. He who thus knows what is the property of that Saman, obtains property.

26. He who knows what is the gold of that Saman, obtains gold. Now verily its gold. is tone only. He who thus knows what is the gold of that Saman, obtains gold.

27. He who knows what is the support of that Saman, he is supported. Now verily its support is speech only. For, as supported in speech, that breath is sung as that Saman. Some say the support is in food.

Next follows the Abhyaroha [*1] (the ascension) of the Pavamana verses. Verily the Prastotri begins to sing the Saman, and when he begins, then let him (the sacrificer) recite these (three Yagus-verses):

‘Lead me from the unreal to the real! Lead me from darkness to light! Lead me from death to immortality!’

Now when he says, ‘Lead me from the unreal to the real,’ the unreal is verily death, the real immortality. He therefore says, ‘Lead me from death to immortality, make me immortal.’

When he says, ‘Lead me from darkness to light,’ darkness is verily death, light immortality. He therefore says, ‘Lead me from death to immortality, make me immortal.’

When he says, ‘Lead me from death to immortality,’ there is nothing there, as it were, hidden (obscure, requiring explanation) [*1].

28. Next come the other Stotras with which the priest may obtain food for himself by singing them. Therefore let the sacrificer, while these Stotras are being sung, ask for a boon, whatever desire he may desire. An Udgatri priest who knows this obtains by his singing whatever desire he may desire either for himself or for the sacrificer. This (knowledge) indeed is called the conqueror of the worlds. He who thus knows this Saman [*2], for him there is no fear of his not being admitted to the worlds [*3].

Footnotes

^74:6 Called the Agni-brahmana, and intended to teach the origin of [p. 75] Agni, the fire, which is here used for the Horse-sacrifice. It is found in the Satapatha-brahmana, Madhyandina-sakha X, 6, 5, and there explained as a description of Hiranyagarbha.

^75:1 We ought to read arkasyarkatvam, as in Poley’s edition, or ark-kasyarkkatvam, to make the etymology still clearer. The commentator takes arka in the sense of fire, more especially the sacrificial fire employed at the Horse-sacrifice. It may be so, but the more natural interpretation seems to me to take arka here as water, from which indirectly fire is produced. From water springs the earth; on that earth he (Mrityu or Pragapati) rested, and from him, while resting there, fire (Virag) was produced. That fire assumed three forms, fire, sun, and air, and in that threefold form it is called prana, spirit.

^75:2 As Agni, Vayu, and Aditya.

^75:3 Here Agni (Virag) is taken as representing the fire of the altar at the Horse-sacrifice, which is called Arka. The object of the whole Brahmana was to show the origin and true character of that fire (arka).

^76:1 He is the same as what was before called mrityu, death, who, after becoming self-conscious, produced water, earth, fire, &c. He now wishes for a second body, which is the year, or the annual sacrifice, the year being dependent on the sun (Aditya).

^76:2 The commentator understands the father, instead of Speech, the mother.

^76:3 The interjectional theory.

^76:4 All these are merely fanciful etymologies of asvamedha and arka.

^77:1 Or glory (senses) and power. Comm.

^77:2 He considered himself as the horse. Roer.

^78:1 Called the Udgitha-brahmana. In the Madhyandina-sakha, the Upanishad, which consists of six adhyayas, begins with this Brahmana (cf. Weber’s edition, p. 104 7; Commentary, p. 1109).

^78:2 The Devas and Asuras are explained by the commentator as the senses, inclining either to sacred or to worldly objects, to good or evil.

^78:3 According to the commentator, the Devas were the less numerous and less strong, the Asuras the more numerous and more powerful.

^79:1 This is the chief or vital breath, sometimes called mukhya.

^80:1 Asakta from sang, to embrace; cf. Rig-veda I, 33, 3. Here it corresponds to the German anhanglich.

^80:2 See Deussen, Vedanta, p. 359.

^80:3 To distant people.

^81:1 This is done by the last nine Pavamanas, while the first three were used for obtaining the reward common to all the pranas.

^81:2 Here annada is well explained by anamayavin, and vyadhirahita, free from sickness, strong.

^81:3 Read pratipratih; see Poley, and Weber, p. 1180.

^82:1 Cf. Khand. Up. V, 2, 6.

^82:2 Not used here in the sense of song or hymn, but as an act of worship connected with the Saman. Comm.

^83:1 The ascension is a ceremony by which the performer reaches the gods, or becomes a god. It consists in the recitation of three Yagus, and is here enjoined to take place when the Prastotri priest begins to sing his hymn.

^84:1 See Deussen, Vedanta, p. 86.

^84:2 He knows that he is the Prana, which Prana is the Saman. That Prana cannot be defeated by the Asuras, i.e. by the senses which are addicted to evil; it is pure, and the five senses finding refuge in him, recover there their original nature, fire, &c. The Prana is the Self of all things, also of speech (Rig-yaguh-samodgitha), and of the Saman that has to be sung and well sung. The Prana pervades all creatures, and he who identifies himself with that Prana, obtains the rewards mentioned in the Brahmana. Comm.

^84:3 In connection with lokagit, lokyata is here explained, and may probably have been intended, as worthiness to be admitted to the highest world. Originally lokyata and alokyata meant right and wrong. See also I, 5, 17.

BRASS0004NATR

FOURTH BRAHMANA [*1].

1. In the beginning this was Self alone, in the shape of a person (purusha). He looking round saw nothing but his Self. He first said, ‘This is I;’ therefore he became I by name. Therefore even now, if a man is asked, he first says, ‘This is I,’ and then pronounces the other name which he may have. And because before (purva) all this, he (the Self) burnt down (ush) all evils, therefore he was a person (pur-usha). Verily he who knows this, burns down every one who tries to be before him.

2. He feared, and therefore any one who is lonely fears. He thought, ‘As there is nothing but myself, why should I fear?’ Thence his fear passed away. For what should he have feared? Verily fear arises from a second only.

3. But he felt no delight. Therefore a man who is lonely feels no delight. He wished for a second. He was so large as man and wife together. He then made this his Self to fall in two (pat), and thence arose husband (pati) and wife (patni). Therefore Yagnavalkya said: ‘We two [*2] are thus (each of us) like half a shell [*3].’ Therefore the void which was there, is filled by the wife. He embraced her, and men were born.

4. She thought, ‘How can he embrace me, after having produced me from himself? I shall hide myself.’

She then became a cow, the other became a bull and embraced her, and hence cows were born. The one became a mare, the other a stallion; the one a male ass, the other a female ass. He embraced her, and hence one-hoofed animals were born. The one became a she-goat, the other a he-goat; the one became a ewe [*1], the other a ram. He embraced her, and hence goats and sheep were born. And thus he created everything that exists in pairs, down to the ants.

5. He knew, ‘I indeed am this creation, for I created all this.’ Hence he became the creation, and he who knows this lives in this his creation.

6. Next he thus produced fire by rubbing. From the mouth, as from the fire-hole, and from the hands he created fire [*2]. Therefore both the mouth and the hands are inside without hair, for the fire-hole is inside without hair.

And when they say, ‘Sacrifice to this or sacrifice to that god,’ each god is but his manifestation, for he is all gods.

Now, whatever there is moist, that he created from seed; this is Soma. So far verily is this universe either food or eater. Soma indeed is food, Agni eater. This is the highest creation of Brahman, when he created the gods from his better part [*1], and when he, who was (then) mortal [*2], created the immortals. Therefore it was the highest creation. And he who knows this, lives in this his highest creation.

7. Now all this was then undeveloped. It became developed by form and name, so that one could say, ‘He, called so and so, is such a one [*3].’ Therefore at present also all this is developed by name and form, so that one can say, ‘He, called so and so, is such a one.’

He (Brahman or the Self) entered thither, to the very tips of the finger-nails, as a razor might be fitted in a razor-case, or as fire in a fire-place [*4].

He cannot be seen, for, in part only, when breathing, he is breath by name; when speaking, speech by name; when seeing, eye by name; when hearing, ear by name; when thinking, mind by name. All these are but the names of his acts. And he who worships (regards) him as the one or the other, does not know him, for he is apart from this (when qualified) by the one or the other (predicate). Let men worship him as Self, for in the Self all these are one. This Self is the footstep of everything, for through it one knows everything [*5]. And as one can find again by footsteps what was lost, thus he who knows this finds glory and praise.

8. This, which is nearer to us than anything, this Self, is dearer than a son, dearer than wealth, dearer than all else.

And if one were to say to one who declares another than the Self dear, that he will lose what is dear to him, very likely it would be so. Let him worship the Self alone as dear. He who worships the Self alone as dear, the object of his love will never perish [*1].

9. Here they say: ‘If men think that by knowledge of Brahman they will become everything, what then did that Brahman know, from whence all this sprang?’

10. Verily in the beginning this was Brahman, that Brahman knew (its) Self only, saying, ‘I am Brahman.’ From it all this sprang. Thus, whatever Deva was awakened (so as to know Brahman), he indeed became that (Brahman); and the same with Rishis and men. The Rishi Vamadeva saw and understood it, singing, ‘I was Manu (moon), I was the sun.’ Therefore now also he who thus knows that he is Brahman, becomes all this, and even the Devas cannot prevent it, for he himself is their Self.

Now if a man worships another deity, thinking the deity is one and he another, he does not know. He is like a beast for the Devas. For verily, as many beasts nourish a man, thus does every man nourish the Devas. If only one beast is taken away, it is not pleasant; how much more when many are taken! Therefore it is not pleasant to the Devas that men should know this.

11. Verily in the beginning this was Brahman, one only. That being one, was not strong enough. It created still further the most excellent Kshatra (power), viz. those Kshatras (powers) among the Devas,–Indra, Varuna, Soma, Rudra, Parganya, Yama, Mrityu, Isana. Therefore there is nothing beyond the Kshatra, and therefore at the Ragasuya sacrifice the Brahmana sits down below the Kshatriya. He confers that glory on the Kshatra alone. But Brahman is (nevertheless) the birth-place of the Kshatra. Therefore though a king is exalted, he sits down at the end (of the sacrifice) below the Brahman, as his birth-place. He who injures him, injures his own birth-place. He becomes worse, because he has injured one better than himself.

12. He [*1] was not strong enough. He created the Vis (people), the classes of Devas which in their different orders are called Vasus, Rudras, Adityas, Visve Devas, Maruts.

13. He was not strong enough. He created the Sudra colour (caste), as Pushan (as nourisher). This earth verily is Pushan (the nourisher); for the earth nourishes all this whatsoever.

14. He was not strong enough. He created still further the most excellent Law (dharma). Law is the Kshatra (power) of the Kshatra [*2], therefore there is nothing higher than the Law. Thenceforth even a weak man rules a stronger with the help of the Law, as with the help of a king. Thus the Law is what is called the true. And if a man declares what is true, they say he declares the Law; and if he declares the Law, they say he declares what is true. Thus both are the same.

15. There are then this Brahman, Kshatra, Vis, and Sudra. Among the Devas that Brahman existed as Agni (fire) only, among men as Brahmana, as Kshatriya through the (divine) Kshatriya, as Vaisya through the (divine) Vaisya, as Sudra through the (divine) Sudra. Therefore people wish for their future state among the Devas through Agni (the sacrificial fire) only; and among men through the Brahmana, for in these two forms did Brahman exist.

Now if a man departs this life without having seen his true future life (in the Self), then that Self, not being known, does not receive and bless him, as if the Veda had not been read, or as if a good work had not been done. Nay, even if one who does not know that (Self), should perform here on earth some great holy work, it will Perish for him in the end. Let a man worship the Self only as his true state. If a man worships the Self only as his true state, his work does not Perish, for whatever he desires that he gets from that Self.

16. Now verily this Self (of the ignorant man) is the world [*1] of all creatures. In so far as man sacrifices and pours out libations, he is the world of the Devas; in so far as he repeats the hymns, &c., he is the world of the Rishis; in so far as he offers cakes to the Fathers and tries to obtain offspring, he is the world of the Fathers; in so far as he gives shelter and food to men, he is the world of men; in so far as he finds fodder and water for the animals, he is the world of the animals; in so far as quadrupeds, birds, and even ants live in his houses, he is their world. And as every one wishes his own world not to be injured, thus all beings wish that he who knows this should not be injured. Verily this is known and has been well reasoned.

17. In the beginning this was Self alone, one only. He desired, ‘Let there be a wife for me that I may have offspring, and let there be wealth for me that I may offer sacrifices.’ Verily this is the whole desire, and, even if wishing for more, he would not find it. Therefore now also a lonely person desires, ‘Let there be a wife for me that I may have offspring, and let there be wealth for me that I may offer sacrifices.’ And so long as he does not obtain either of these things, he thinks he is incomplete. Now his completeness (is made up as follows): mind is his self (husband); speech the wife; breath the child; the eye all worldly wealth, for he finds it with the eye; the ear his divine wealth, for he hears it with the ear. The body (atman) is his work, for with the body he works. This is the fivefold [*1] sacrifice, for fivefold is the animal, fivefold man, fivefold all this whatsoever. He who knows this, obtains all this.

Footnotes

^85:1 Called Purushavidhabrahmana (Madhyandina-sakha, p. 1050). See Muir, Original Sanskrit Texts, vol. i, p. 24.

^85:2 The Comm. explains svah by atmanah, of himself. But see Boehtlingk, Sanskrit Chrestomathie, p. 357.

^85:3 Roer translates: ‘Therefore was this only one half of himself, as a split pea is of a whole.’ Brigala is a half of anything. Muir (Orig. Sansk. Texts, vol. i, p. 25) translates: ‘Yagnavalkya has said that this one’s self is like the half of a split pea.’ I have translated the sentence according to Professor Boehtlingk’s conjecture (Chrestomathie, 2nd ed. p. 357), though the singular after the dual (svah) is irregular.

^86:1 The reading avir itaro, i.e. itara u, is not found in the Kanva text. See Boehtlingk, Chrestomathie, p. 357.

^86:2 He blew with the mouth while he rubbed with the hands.

^87:1 Or, when he created the best gods.

^87:2 As man and sacrificer. Comm.

^87:3 The Comm. takes asau-nama as a compound, instead of idam-nama. I read asau nama, he is this by name, viz. Devadatta, &c. Dr. Boehtlingk, who in his Chrestomathie (2nd ed. p. 31) had accepted the views of the Commentator, informs me that he has changed his view, and thinks that we should read asau na’ma.

^87:4 Cf. Kaush. Br. Up. VI, 19.

^87:5 As one finds lost cattle again by following their footsteps, thus one finds everything, if one has found out the Self.’ Comm.

^88:1 On rudh, to lose, see Taitt. Samh. II, 6, 8, 5, pp. 765, 771, as pointed out by Dr. Boehtlingk. On isvaro (yat) tathaiva syat, see Boehtlingk, s. v.

^89:1 Observe the change from tad, it, to sa, he.

^89:2 More powerful than the Kshatra or warrior caste. Comm.

^90:1 Is enjoyed by them all. Comm.

^91:1 Fivefold, as consisting of mind, speech, breath, eye, and ear. See Taitt. Up. I, 7, 1.

Upanishad-001

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Wednesday Book Club

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

-Aldous Huxley

huxleypainting1

First-

Someone said something the other day and used a phrase I remember from reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. I don’t remember the phrase but it had to do with Ford (and other US auto companies). I was reminded of how Our Ford was an equivalent of Our Father (who art in heaven, etc.). Anyway, so I got to thinking about Huxley.

brave-new-world-aldous-huxley-poster

And here is the complete Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, now public Domain, for you to download:

Brave New World

And here are some interesting links related to Mr. Huxley- for fans and not-yet fans. The guy was a genius. So check out:

Download Brave New World- The movie shown originally on BBC in the UK in 1980 (it’s a long download- the Movie is 184 minutes, file size about 550 megs:

mystical

Also on my mind this week,

The Upanishads.

When I was about 10 I started reading through the religion section of the library. Many of the texts I found there opened my mind as I read through Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism etc. A couple of books entered my life at that time that especially resonated with me.

One was the Dhammapada. The other was the Upanishads.

Sounds like…. mahanyaasam1-upanishads

Chakras

Some excerpts:

TWELFTH KHANDA.

1. ‘Maghavat, this body is mortal and always held by death. It is the abode of that Self which is immortal and without body [*1]. When in the body (by thinking this body is I and I am this body) the Self is held by pleasure and pain. So long as he is in the body, he cannot get free from pleasure and pain. But when he is free of the body (when he knows himself different from the body), then neither pleasure nor pain touches him.

2. ‘The wind is without body, the cloud, lightning, and thunder are without body (without hands, feet, &c.) Now as these, arising from this heavenly ether (space), appear in their own form, as soon as they have approached the highest light,

3. ‘Thus does that serene being, arising from this body, appear in its own form, as soon as it has approached the highest light (the knowledge of Self [*3]) He (in that state) is the highest person (uttama purusha). He moves about there laughing (or eating), playing, and rejoicing (in his mind), be it with women, carriages, or relatives, never minding that body into which he was born.

‘Like as a horse attached to a cart, so is the spirit [*1] (prana, pragnatman) attached to this body.

4. ‘Now where the sight has entered into the void (the open space, the black pupil of the eye), there is the person of the eye, the eye itself is the instrument of seeing. He who knows, let me smell this, he is the Self, the nose is the instrument of smelling. He who knows, let me say this, he is the Self, the tongue is the instrument of saying. He who knows, let me hear this, he is the Self, the ear is the instrument of hearing.

5. ‘He who knows, let me think this, he is the Self, the mind is his divine eye. He, the Self, seeing these pleasures (which to others are hidden like a buried treasure of gold) through his divine eye, i. e. the mind, rejoices.

‘The Devas who are in the world of Brahman meditate on that Self (as taught by Pragapati to Indra, and by Indra to the Devas). Therefore all worlds belong to them, and all desires. He who knows that Self and understands it, obtains all worlds and all desires.’ Thus said Pragapati, yea, thus said Pragapati.

isaUpanishad1

rishi

boldbeggar

raikva

ms2163

1upanishads99-1

I have the complete Upanishads in 2 parts-

Part one

of the Max Muller translation, in Word document form,

(with copius notes and other debris) can be downlaoded here:

upanishadspt1

I have not finished cleaning up Part 2.

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Pictures Music Frogs

First-
Looking through old photographs-
My wife is undergoing therapy for PTSD to do with my daughter’s suicide over 15 years ago, but still a significant part of our lives. She is determined to find a way to keep the good memories without the horror.
Part of the project involves remembering the good times- and finding ways to replace the awful images with positive ones.
So, I got out the old albums and we’ve been going through them. (Always click for full size.)

Erin and her friend at the wreck of the Peter Iredale,

Oregon Coast, 1992 or so

WreckofthePeterIredale-circa1992-93

Erin Portrait- She was beautiful

erin_portrait-1992

Family sing-along night:

For most of the time our kids were kids we had a Sunday night tradition of singing songs together; each person got to pick a song and we’d end with “Goodnight Irene” (without the depressing lyrics).
Erin usually picked “You are my sunshine”. Julie can’t sing that song or listen to it anymore because it brings her too much pain. (Me, I like the song and it helps me remember the good times.)
The tradition continued with everyone getting ice-cream (in their special bowl)followed by watching the Simpsons on TV.
It’s my favorite of our family traditions- we kept it up until the youngest one was 15 or so- except we still do the ice-cream and Simpsons. These days it’s just Me, Julie and Matt (19). Andrew is down in the SF area (Berkley now I think). I get low carb/ sugar free ice-cream; it tastes like crap but it’s still a treat.

familysingalong-1989

How did this get in there?

sunflower_on_white

Kids together in the backyard

kidstogether-backyard-1991

Erin picks flowers in the “wild” area of our large yard (this was the house the kids grew up in. We lost the house when I lost my mind in 2004- along with my job, my reputation, etc. We lived there for 20 years. I wonder if my wife ever forgave me for getting so sick.  (Foreclosed after my prolonged hospital stay left us bankrupt and unable to make payments. So it goes.)

ErinBackyard1989

Taken at the end of the Falcon Crest trail

from Short Sands Beach on the Oregon Coast

FalconCrestErinDesktop

There are kids growing in the trees! Again, our backyard around 1992

treekids1990ourbackyard

Playing music with Erin, around 1992

PlayingMusicWithErin1992

The last picture I have of my dad, who died of lung cancer/ mesothelioma in 1992. It was caused by asbestos exposure during his 23 years in the Navy as a Gunner’s Mate and Chief Gunner’s Mate. The big artillery was packed in asbestos.

last_picture_of_my_dad

The group shot that was extracted from-

last_pic_mydad-grp

Nawang Khechog- The human Heart is for Kindness:

10 The Human Heart Is for Kindness

Mississippi John Hurt- Nearer My God to Thee

Mississippi John Hurt – Nearer My God To Thee

Cat Stevens (now Yusef Islam)- Trouble

Cat Stevens – Trouble

Along this route (below) are many shallow ditches in which frogs lay their eggs. Most of these dry up before 75% of the tadpoles have reached maturity. My annual tadpole rescue effort is almost ready to begin. The deadline is about June 10th, after the rains stop and the shallow wetlands dry quickly, leaving tens of thousands of immature froglings dried and dead in the baked mud (in this area alone). I only rescue a few hundred a year, let them grow up in a tank on the back deck.

When they’re ready they leave.

STA50145

STA50140

Exodus

bye for now

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Hear before you die, then after

Tibetan Book of the Dead-

Or, more correctly, the Bardo Thodol,

Liberation Through Hearing During the Intermediate State

tibetanbookdead

The Bardo Thödol (Tibetan: bardo “liminality”; thödol as “liberation”), Liberation through Hearing in the Intermediate State, is a funerary text that describes, and intends to guide one through, the experiences of the consciousness after death during the interval known as bardo between death and rebirth. It also includes chapters on the signs of death and rituals to undertake when death is closing in or has taken place.

01

02

03

04

padma-dordje-drolo

Something else:

Tibetan incantations – Om Mani Padme Hum

Or, you can read the comic:

bardothodol-pg1-11bardothodol-pgs12-endbye for now,

Rick

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Stories From Mental Hell Treatment

These are stories of people subjected to torture and humiliation in the name of “treatment” for mental health issues. They are found (with many others) on the website: http://psychrights.org/index.htm

CHOMP Hell

On October 15, 2007, I was kidnapped, put in solitary confinement, and I was physically abused for 3 days.

My husband had called the suicide prevention hotline and thought he would get help for me coping with stress and depression. My husband was ignorant and admits that he was wrong. Two police officers showed up with paramedics. They brutally pulled me out of my bed, injected me with something and transported me to the Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula (CHOMP). I remember being sexually molested in the ambulance, I remember being tied up in the hospital bed for hours, one doctor screamed at me, another doctor laughed sarcastically when I told him I was held against my will. During the 3 day ordeal I was numerous times injected with medication and was forced to swallow piles of pills. Nobody talked to me about the treatment and medication; asked for my consent or cared about my well being. CHOMP nurses also drew my blood and catheterized me against my will.

I feel like I was mentally raped. When I started menstruating and blood was running down my legs, nobody at the hospital offered a tampon or a feminine pad. I received no water or other fluids during my 3 day ordeal. I did not receive any food either. I was humiliated, laughed at and degraded by the staff of CHOMP. The nurses and doctors were destroying my self-worth, self-respect and dignity. Instead of simple depression I suffer now from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I am still terrified that it can happen again. I am afraid to go to bed at night. I have daily flashbacks of the trauma. This experience is haunting me now for 15 months. It impacted my professional life and completely destroyed my private life.

More than anything else it would help me tremendously if CHOMP would not be allowed to conduct these torture techniques on other human beings. CHOMP officials, the suicide prevention hotline, the Seaside Police Department and the ambulance service all claim that they went by the “BOOK”. If this “Book” really exists, it needs tremendous improvements. I also believe the medical code states “DO NO HARM”, Why is then CHOMP running their psychiatric ward like a concentration camp? Why is CHOMP restraining people, putting them into solitary confinement, humiliating them and torturing them? I was simply depressed and would have needed somebody caring and compassionate to talk to but I experience hell instead.

Jeffrey James – Death by “Restraint”

by Don Weitz

For two or three days, I attended the recent inquest in the tragic death of Jeffrey James, it ended in Toronto on October 10, 2008. Although there were some good and detailed recommendations from the Empowerment Council and Coroner’s Jury, the Jury did not demand the end of physical restraints (e.g. 2-point & 4- point restraints) and “seclusion”(solitary confinement, but the Council did.

The Jury should have at least recommended phasing out all physical restraints and seclusion because they’re forms of cruel and unusual punishment or torture. The fact is that physical restraints triggered the “pulmonary thromboembolism” (blot clot in lungs that traveled from James’ leg) that killed Jeffrey James. A young 34-year old black man, Jeffrey died a horrible death in the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), Toronto’s notorious psychoprison, on July 13, 2005. Approximately one month before he died, James had been transferred from Oak Ridge/Penetanguishene Mental Health Centre, another Ontario psychoprison notorious for its brutality; he ended up CAMH’s “medium-security” Unit (3-2) – but not for long. For 5 1/2 consecutive days, Jeffrey was severely restrained – tied down with 4-point restraints wrapped around his ankles and wrists, forced to lie on his back so he couldn’t move his arms and legs, forbidden to get up and exercise, “chemically restrained” (forcibly drugged) with the powerful neuroleptic Loxepine and ‘minor tranquillizer’ Lorazepam – while languishing in solitary confinement (“seclusion”)! CAMH psychiatrists and doctors repeatedly ordered physical restraints ad seclusion; in fact, they didn’t even examine Jeffrey before writing restraint orders – facts confirmed during the cross-examination of Drs. Siu and Darby by lawyer Anita Szigeti. Psychiatrist Siu was the last doctor to see Jeffrey, he wrote restraint orders one and two days before Jeffrey died. According to Szigeti, who represented the Empowerment Council at the inquest, Dr. Siu also failed to request an “external consult” (a second opinion) after 72 hours of continuous physical restraint. This sounds unethical to me– a violation of hospital or provincial government restraint guidelines, medical neglect, or a breach of medical ethics.

It’s bizarre as to how James ended up in physical restraints and “seclusion” in the first place. The psychiatrists threw James into “seclusion” after some nurses complained to a psychiatrist that James was “masturbating” in front of the nursing station – horrors at such “inappropriate sexual behaviour”! Although he was previously accused of “sexual assault”, James had not assaulted or harmed any CAMH staff or patient. It’s also important to point out that no nurse and no psychiatrist or doctor bothered to communicate with and understand James as a person before he died. Apparently, dialogue (not to mention empathy or compassion) is a ‘privilege’ at CAMH and other Ontario psychoprisons. 2-point and 4-point physical restraints and “seclusion” in psychiatric facilities constitute cruel and unusual punishment or torture sanitized as “restraint”. I may report these psychiatric tortures to Amnesty International and the United Nations Committee Against Torture; owever, I’m not hopeful of action since neither human rights body has officially condemned physical restraints, forced drugging or electroshock (“ECT”) as forms of torture. So far, no doctor or psychiatrist is being held accountable for Jeffrey James’ death – unfortunately the Coroner’s Act of Ontario forbids the corner or coroner’s jury from blaming or charging anybody with unethical conduct or a crime. Let’s get real here. Like coroners, most judges uncritically accept or believe that psychiatry’s fraudulent medical model is “medical science”; coroners and judges rarely challenge psychiatric “expertise”, they rarely question bogus psychiatric procedures including forced drugging, electroshock, physical restraints or “seclusion” (solitary confinement).

Nevertheless, some of the jury’s 66 recommendations were constructive and helpful- if acted on. For many years, the Ontario government has been notoriously and routinely negligent in refusing to enforce jury recommendations, especially those concerning psychiatric survivors and homeless people. One recommendation in the James inquest states that the Chief Coroner of Ontario must call an inquest when anybody dies while in physical restraints, but why limit the call to only physical restraints? Many more psychiatric prisoners (involuntary psychiatric patients) also die from chemical restraints (forced drugging), some from electroshock (‘ECT’). Obviously, this recommendation doesn’t go far enough. When a person dies in an Ontario jail or prison (by whatever means), the Coroner must call an inquest, but the Coroner doesn’t have to call an inquest if a person dies in a psychiatric facility or “mental health centre”; according to the Coroner’s Act, that decision is “discretionary”. In a recent human rights case, the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal justly and wisely ruled that inquests into deaths in psychiatric facilities should be mandatory- just as they are for prisons, but an Ontario Superior Court judge recently overruled this important Tribunal decision.

In the meantime, physical restraints, seclusion, trauma, deaths and cover-ups continue at CAMH and every other psychoprison in Ontario and other provinces. Unfortunately, psychiatric torture is not and never was an election issue – it should be. Another national and international shame!

Biographical information: Don Weitz is an antipsychiatry activist, Executive member of the Coalition Against Psychiatric Assault (CAPA), and Co-editor of Shrink Resistant: The Struggle Against Psychiatry in Canada.

 

My name is Elise . . .

I am twenty-one years old; however, the events that have taken place in my life so far seem to have delayed the progress of my life. In many aspects, I am still a child. I don’t believe I am lacking in emotional maturity, yet I have been lodged in a socially retarded position. I believe this degraded standard of living is a direct result of my involvement with the mental health community.

Six years ago, I began to see a psychologist. My parents were concerned, as I had been displaying signs of depression. At that point, I didn’t necessarily agree with this assumption. Granted, I was a little distressed due to my recent transition into high school… but aren’t all freshman? There was also the added stress of my choice to attend a Catholic high school and this meant many if not all of my friends from grammar school would no longer be in my class. I had to make all new friends, and I gravitated toward the kids with similar interests to my own, which have been inexplicably morbid for as long as I can remember. I do have a dark sense of humor, but when I was fifteen it was nothing more than that. The real trouble came later, after my visits to the psychologist became visits to the psychiatrist.

I don’t see anything wrong with “going to therapy.” I’m sure talking to a therapist was a good outlet for me at that fragile stage in my life. The problem I’d like to address is not general psychiatric treatment; but the specific dangers of psychiatric medication. I believe the introduction of substances like these to a child or a teen is extremely dangerous. Although I was thoroughly warned of any health risks I could encounter, I based my decision on the positive changes I would encounter. Yes, I chose to take these medications-but I was a profoundly naïve sixteen year old girl. I was under the impression that all I would ever have to do was swallow the magic pill.

I had no clue how the next five years of my life would play out. If anything, I anticipated to glide through high school smoothly, happy and productive. I had to drop out of high school junior year, despite the fact that my grades were among the top of my class. I missed too many classes due to several nights in a crisis center, outpatient therapy that took place in the morning, and eventually a two-week inpatient stay on an adolescent psychiatric ward. When I was sixteen, I started drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and marijuana, indulging in acts of self-mutilation, and “running away” from home. My parents did everything they could. My psychiatrist did more. Between the ages of sixteen and twenty I was prescribed over 20 different psychiatric medications.

As I said, I am twenty-one years old now. It was my 2008 New Year’s Resolution to gradually reduce my daily doses of Lithium and Seroquel; these were the last two medications I took regularly. They were also the two medications I had taken the longest, over three years each. I was finally clean in March, and I was so relieved to be done with that whole experience… I feel wonderful. But this newfound clarity has revealed a side of my treatment I had been too distracted to grasp. I was coerced into becoming a legal drug addict at a disturbingly young age. The real trouble came after I was medicated.

Immediately after I dropped out of high school, I took the GED exam. My score was exceptional, and I started to take a few classes at a community college. Then I dropped out of college, too. I’ve lost half a dozen jobs. I do not know how to drive a car. I have never had the opportunity to manage my own life. Because of this, my wedding to the man I love has been postponed indefinitely. I am suffering extremely high levels of anxiety when it comes to re-orienting myself with society, and I do not truly believe this has everything to do with a preexisting medical condition. The past five years of “treatment” have been traumatizing.

I have had to request disability benefits to try and support myself; my parents have spent an obscene amount of money on my medical treatment and have gone bankrupt. There were other contributing factors to my parents’ financial difficulty, though my expenses are monumental. My family and I have had to move into a house that is half the size of our old house. I am one of six people; I also have a nineteen-year-old sister, a fourteen-year-old sister, and a ten-year-old brother. I volunteered to occupy the unfinished basement so that everyone else could have a bedroom. I do not blame my family for this mess, as they have been unrelentingly supportive. They’d like me to have a better life, just as much as I do… but they cannot help me financially anymore. Medicaid simply doesn’t cut it. My entire life has been reduced to a prescription.

The phrase “If only I hadn’t swallowed that first pill…” is constantly on my mind. My fifteen-year-old self had so much potential; I was a great student, I was my art teacher’s pride pupil, I was a blue ribbon equestrian. I didn’t have any scars. For the first time in five years, I feel like I can be that kind of girl again… at least that’s how I feel. I am five crucial years behind any normal person of my age-and I am so emotionally damaged, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to catch up.

It should not be legal in any way, shape, or form to medicate children like this. Psychiatric medication has stunted my growth as an individual. The companies that make and sell these drugs have an inherent responsibility to refrain from distributing them to people who are simply not capable of comprehending the long-term effects. As an adult, I am well aware of the things I should have considered before swallowing that first pill. As an adolescent I certainly was not. A person presented with that kind of choice should have enough life experience to make it properly. Now, I fear I may never have the chance to experience adult life the way it was meant to be.

I am certainly not saying my psychiatrist or the medications he prescribed caused my “disorder.” I am saying that in the case of a troubled adolescent, certain medications should not be implemented because some “side effects” may not occur until much later in that person’s life…physical, and emotional side effects. I think drug manufacturers are aware of this risk, and yet they continue to sell these drugs without taking the precaution of imposing an age restriction. I think it should be illegal for any person under a certain age to consume medicines like Lithium and Seroquel. I do not think these companies should be able to sell them, otherwise.

I will suffer the stigma of a mental patient for the rest of my life, even if I no longer take psychiatric medication. I want drug companies to outline the emotional side effects of their product just as clearly as the physical side effects, and offer this information to potential patients who are of an appropriate age to understand that kind of risk. I wish to be compensated for my personal losses on account of their negligence.

 

The Truth can set you Free
Felice Debra Eliscu

The first time I saw a Psychiatrist, I was 8 years old. My parents were going through a very messy divorce. My Father wanted custody of my 2 brothers and I. This was very hard on me; it did not fit into my reality of what a family was. Divorce was a new thing back then in 1973, we were the first in our neighborhood. The “shrink” asked me who I wanted to live with. It was right then I realized that there was something very wrong with Psychiatrists. What kind of person would ask an 8 year old girl to pick between her parents? I loved both of them the same, the way I now love both of my Daughters the same.

FAST FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am 13 years old and my Father tells me we have an appointment with a Psychiatrist in Downtown Chicago. I have a few problems, but what 13 year old does not? I watched my Father mentally destroy my mother. He then used her mental instability against her to take away the only thing that mattered in her life…her children. He then married his mistress of 7 years (also his secretary). I was not exactly thrilled to be living with the woman who helped to destroy my happy home. Not to mention the fact that she was an adulteress. I wished her dead several times a day and even prayed to G-D at night to take this wicked woman away. Eventually I got to know her and she was very kind and loving to me. I liked her. She would never be my Mom, but she was my friend for sure.

While on Vacation in Mexico with my Father she became very sick. She assumed this was her pregnancy. However it was not. She was not only carrying my half-brother in her womb, she was carrying a tumor the size of a large orange in her brain. My Father truly loved this woman and did everything he could to save her life. In the end he brought her home to die. It was a terrible sight to see. She was in a vegetative state. You could see where the Doctors had cut a huge hole in her skull. There was nothing left of her, just a body waiting to die. It was a constant reminder of how I had prayed to G-D to take her life and how I had wished her dead. Of course I do not have that power, but at the time I felt a lot of guilt. I was sent to summer-camp knowing I would never see her again. On July 1st I awoke around 6:00 a.m. and demanded to call immediately.  I knew she woke me up on the way out, I could not explain it but I knew. The counselors at the camp assured me that if something had happened my Father would have called. Two days later my Father called to say she had died (at the time and date I woke up). I later found out that when my Father went to his safety deposit box all the watches in there were stopped at the exact time of her death. I guess you could say I was a little twisted from this trauma. My Father a member of the Jewish Priesthood most high has never set foot in a synagogue since. One day, I went to this appointment at Northwest Memorial Hospital and met Dr. Derrick Miller a shrink from England, only I was not allowed to leave. This was my new home; an Adolescent Treatment Program. It was a locked unit for teens with a system based on reward and punishment with a level system. The higher the level the more privileges you earned. There were day patients there to teach me all about street drugs and crime. One day we stole the unit key and escaped into downtown Chicago where I got so drunk I passed out in the stairwell of some high-rise.

I would be released and re-admitted to the same unit one more time. The day patients would bring in drugs, we were allowed to smoke cigarettes it was not so bad. I liked my shrink, because he said my Father was the one with a problem.

My next Adolescent Treatment program was at Chicago Lakeshore Hospital. Same basic program of behavior modification, only this time they added medication. I did not like medication. My “shrink” was Dr. Luinbuk, a wealthy Psychiatrist from Israel who wore alligator shoes. He told me that manipulation was a positive thing. All I had to do was be Daddy’s little Jewish Princess and the world would be mine. For my Birthday I was given a “Dental Pass”. My Father and new Step-Monster took me and a friend to see The Rolling Stones. We were seated separately. My friend brought all kinds of goodies. I was returned to the Hospital “tripping” and put in solitary confinement. Many years later I was told by another Psychiatrist that the combination of medications I was on at that Hospital were not approved for people under 18 and the combination could have killed me. In both Hospitals there was this rumor/threat that if we did not succeed we might end up at a horrible place called Élan. “The last resort”.

In 1981 that is exactly where my Father wanted to put me. We went in front of the School board for some type of meeting. The School would not pay for my placement there and furthermore stated that I that I did not need to be in Élan. I could go to Public school. My Father said “fine then I will pay for it myself”  My first day at Élan I was escorted to a bathroom, made to strip in front of two strangers and take a Quell shower. I was told I would be a resident of House #3. There were many Houses in Poland Spring, Maine. #3, #5, #7, #8 and Administration #1. There was also a house in Waterford, Maine #6 and two houses in Parsonsfield, Maine #2 and #4. Élan #3 was “the big House.”

The first thing I noticed was all the costumes. These were called Learning Experiences or L.E.; they were made from mostly cardboard and came from the communications Dept. Dunce caps Cigarette hats. Nuclear Reactor Boxes, Whore and Pimp costumes the list goes on. Whatever the “issue” was there was a L.E. to go with it. With every L.E. there was a sign sometimes you only got a sign. These would always start out “Please confront me as to why……..” It was not unusual to see someone with 15 signs. One night at school a kid walked into class from another house wearing a huge penis on his head with a sign in it that said “ Please confront me as to why I think with one head and not the other” I had to hide behind my book to not laugh. If you laughed at someone’s L.E. you got the same one.

There were boxing rings to beat you into submission, Haircuts where 3 people yelled at you over trivial stuff. General Meetings where hundreds of your peers were whipped into frenzy in the dining room before you arrived and when you did then would all rush at you to yell and spit in your face. Then the Director would emotionally lambaste you for hours. At the end you were given an L.E. and “Shotdown” made to scrub floors and toilets all day. Then there was the Corner for those who would not “get with the program”. It was meant to be used for a couple of hours, because it was unbearable. You could not talk or read or listen to music or anything and some other poor kid had to supervise you the whole time. I stayed in the corner for 5 months. I refused to abuse my peers. I was not going to humiliate others. For this I was severely abused, but I did not care. I gave it right back. I was not going to join a cult.

In a last effort to get me to conform, my Father flew up and told me that I was going to be there until the bulldozers came. Three weeks later he returned to pick me up; I had done the impossible I had been kicked out of Élan in eight months. My Father and Step monster tried to drop me off in Mass. It was a school for mostly mentally handicapped Teens. I told them I would raise hell and they would not take me. Unwillingly me Father had no choice but to take me home. I took the G.E.D. and tried to go to Columbia Collage. There was something wrong with me at this point, socially although I could not put my finger on it. To cope while in the corner I would use different techniques that I had read about. I was not allowed to close my eyes so I would stare at the vertex until everything went black. Each time it was easier. I would at first astral travel. After the meeting with my Father I decided to try “Creative Visualization”. I had read a small book by the same name before entering Élan and it was the perfect time to try it out. I imagined the same scenario over and over again. When it actually happened I was sure I was still in the corner visualizing it. Only after the visualization went past the point of my creation did I know that it had worked. I think I was in shock.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. -Abraham Lincoln

FAST FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

For many years I did not have a relationship with my Father and Step-monster. One day in 1998 I was given the opportunity for my Children and I to get away from my abusive Husband and move to rural Wisconsin. Choosing what I felt was the lesser of two evils I took the bait. There was one condition I had to see a Psychiatrist. This should have been a big red flag for me, but it was not. My Children were enrolled in School and were doing well. I had a job at Lands’ End main headquarters. It was located 3 blocks from where I lived in Dodgeville, WI. On the weekends I would have brunch with my Father an Step monster who never failed to condescend. I put up with it for monetary benefit.

On August 16th 2000 a Social Services worker showed up at my door and requested to see my oldest Daughter. She was sleeping at a friend’s house. I told her this. Within minutes my house was surrounded by The Dodgeville Police Department, The Iowa County Sheriffs and Unmarked vehicles, I agreed to let a Dodgeville Police Officer search my house, he confirmed my Daughter was not there. My Daughter then called on the phone I told her what was going on. She agreed to speak with Social Services. To make a long story short, both of my Daughters were taken from me that day. At the request of my Step-monster. They were put into Foster care, where one remains today. They were 8 & 12 at the time. I was sent to a Mental Hospital the very same day, for getting “Hysterical”. If you ask me, if you do not act a little “Hysterical” when someone comes and takes your Children away you really have a serious problem. For the next 2 years I was systematically harassed in an attempt to criminalize me. I think it might have  worked exxcept for the fact that I pleaded NGI. I also opted for a bench trial for reasons that I will not make public at this time. If you take my kids away on the basis of my Mental Illness, please do not call me a criminal. When I found the actual paper in my case file at the court house that contained the evidence of my Step monsters report to Social Services I was irate to say the least. It said I had been diagnosed with Mental Illness and she did not care what happened to me but she wanted my Children to be put in Foster Care. Before my Children were taken from me in 2000 I was seeing a Therapist and Psychiatrist of my own choice. I was on 2 Medications. I had a healthy and happy life. I had no criminal charges. We need to look at how this is seen for a reason for removal of Children from the home. I have never in my life experienced such stigma and open hatred for wanting to get some help in the MH industry. I also have to state that this event has been the most Traumatic thing I have and continue to experience in my life.

 “You do not examine legislation in the light of the benefits it will convey if properly administered, but in the light of the wrongs it would do and the harms it would cause if improperly administered.”-Lyndon B. Johnson

I was sent to the state Hospital and Diagnosed with 5 different things. I am now court ordered to take 6 different kinds of medication and 1 more because they make me physically Ill.  I have a D.O.C. worker who gives me random urinalyses. I have a Conditional release worker. I have a Court appointed Psychiatrist and a court appointed Therapist. We must not forget the Social services worker either. I never had any freedom in America to begin with. I am not paranoid I have justified fear. Outpatient Commitment is Unconstitutional, but so is The Patriot Act. Without a lawyer, like many Americans find out you have no chance for justice. I have a good cases against the State of Wisconsin for both unjust removal of my Children and continued denial of my Civil and Constitutional rights. As far as my “Conditional Release” I have a good case there too. I just cannot afford a lawyer. If you look at the statistics, people most affected by this are the ones who cannot afford proper legal representation. Any lawyer out there willing to help? Here is a list of the Court ordered Medications I am forced to take:

· Adderall 30mg. tab 3 times daily
· Paxil 40mg. tab 2 times daily
· Topomax 100mg. tab 1/2 tab in a.m. 2 tabs in p.m.
· Ativan 1mg. tab 1-4 tablets daily as needed
· Trazadone HCL 100mg. tab 2 at bedtime
· Ambien 10mg. 1 at bedtime
· Hyoscyamine sulfate 0.375mg.ter (gen.Equiv for Levbid) Take one Tablet by Mouth every twelve hours for Abdominal cramps & Diarrhea. (Because now I have Irritable bowel syndrome from the other six medications)

My first hand knowledge of Outpatient forced treatment is basic. You cannot force someone to change. You can monitor them, provide services, overmedicate them (this applies to me) and check their bodily fluids to make sure that G-d forbid they do not use any herbal medications of their own choosing. But real change comes from within. As an alternative to Prison it is of course the preferred route to go. You have to ask yourself, how far backward have we gone? Let’s take a look at my Outpatient Commitment. After my release from WHMI I was given all of the above mentioned services with the threat that I could be re-hospitalized at any moment for not following my Conditional Release Plan. This could be initiated by any of the above mentioned people. This causes additional anxiety. Knowing what I know now. I would never seek help. My “confidential” MH files were used against me in court to take my Children. Knowing what my “issues” were: I was provoked and harassed daily.

(I was also Drugged with everything from neuroleptics’ to antipsychotics’ and SSRI’s you name it! I was forced to report to the Iowa County Sherriff 4 times daily for Medication and if I was late I was charged with Bail Jumping.)

After 3 years of taking my Medication by myself, The Judge has ordered Medication Monitoring after a revocation hearing where I was sent home.

Now my Conditional release worker wants’ to hire 3 students from the U.W. Platteville to bring me my Medication 4 times a day.

I am currently taking 3 medications

1. Adderal- 20 mg. 8 and Noon and 10mg. at 4p.m.
2. Ativan- 2mg. (8 a.m., noon and 4 p.m.)
3. Ambien- 20 mg. at Bedtime. (They would like my Bedtime to be 8 p. m.)

I consider this an invasion of privacy.

There is a lot more to this story, if you are interested.

Thank You,

Felice Debra Eliscu

Behind Locked Doors

(Click for full size)

behindlockeddoorsr600

 

To whom it may concern

I believe that my civil rights were violated and that I was discriminated against based on the perception of mental illness. Ten years after divorcing my battering husband, I was assaulted by my roommate. Initially I did not want to file a complaint against him for several reasons. First, I was physically ill. Secondly, I knew what I would have to go through if I filed a complaint. Thirdly, a friend who introduced us pleaded with me not to press charges.


After the local police convinced me to file a complaint, the man was arrested. He and his friends immediately retaliated. They violated both the judges’ terms and conditions of release and an Order For Relief of Abuse (ORA). The local police refused to enforce the two judges’ orders. I was frightened after the local chief of police entered my home without a warrant and threatened me with criminal prosecution if I did not permit a violation of the ORA. I did not feel safe in my home. I stayed in hotels. I started having panic attacks. I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I contacted the local mental health organization repeatedly and was put on a waiting list. I went back into therapy with my former therapist. I changed the locks, installed alarms on the doors and searched for an attorney. I contacted the victims advocate, legal aid and the domestic violence center to no avail. I sought legal representation and attempted to file a complaint with the Vermont State Police. I was told point blank that I could not file a complaint against the officer because “We take care of our own.”


After interviewing my neighbors about me, not the man who was arrested, the police contacted my mother who severely abused me as a child. She told them that I was mentally ill and not taking my medication. I was not on any medication. I was in therapy. The local police persuaded the State Attorney’s Office to drop the charges against the man who assaulted me because “I was not a credible witness due to my mental illness.” He had confessed to assaulting me in front of me and two police officers. He showed them the object with which he assaulted me at the time of his arrest. I was there.


I was told that if I could prove that I was not mentally ill, that only then would the State Attorney’s Office consider reinstating the charges against him. I tape recorded the conversation. I have the tape in my possession.


When I did not drop the complaint against the police officer, I was falsely accused of arson. I was investigated by the State Police after the local police made false statements about me. When I requested a copy of the report, my right under state law, my requests were ignored. I was subsequently arrested fro stalking a police office and his wife. I did not even know their names much the less engage in stalking them. Ironically, I was volunteering at a batterer’s intervention program as the voice of the victim. I had not history of arson or violence. I had no criminal record. I had never been committed to a mental institution.


I was arrested and placed in Vermont State Hospital. I was suffering from a gallstone that was 3/4 of an inch in diameter, a hemorrhaging uterine tumor and a neurological disorder that may be Lyme Disease. My current physician has ordered testing at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center fro Lyme Disease. I had surgeries for both the gallstone and the uterine tumor after being discharged from Vermont State Hospital. I was told that my medical conditions were a symptom of my mental illness while at Vermont State Hospital.


I was forced into solitary confinement for being demanding and manipulative when I asked repeatedly for a doctor. I was not permitted off the small ward or outdoors for nearly four months after I told the doctor that I was severely claustrophobic and suffering from Post Traumatic Stress disorder. My uterine tumor was described by my psychiatrist as a “delusion” on an application for forced antipsychotic drugging. My friend of ten years, a 30 year veteran of the Tampa Police Department and instructor at the police academy, flew from Tampa to Vermont for my commitment hearing. He was not permitted to testify by my attorney. I was never read my rights.


I was accused by the wife of the police officer of handing her a photograph of Osama Bin Laden and a photograph of a woman attacking a child. There was neither a child nor Osama Bin Laden in either photograph. This was pointed out in court. She was delusional not I. One advocate at the hearing stated that if he were not told who was who, he would have concluded that she not I was the person suffering from mental illness. The police officer commented that the witness appeared to be mentally ill not I. There was no physical evidence or other witnesses to confirm her accusations against me.


I was committed by the judge who stated in her decision that I had committed those acts even though there was no criminal proceeding. I was not permitted to know my defense strategy by my attorney. I was not permitted to use the psychiatrist of my choice for my independent examination. I was deprived of due process. I was falsely imprisoned. I was deprived of medical care and my civil liberties. I was coerced into taking medication by the threat of continued imprisonment or forced drugging or both.


After my release, I was hounded by the State Attorney’s Office at my home and my church. I was prosecuted to the tune of $10,000 in legal fees for two misdemeanor charges. I finally was given the offer of court diversion after my attorney was repeatedly denied access to state’s evidence (discovery) and exculpatory evidence was destroyed. It was revealed that I was handcuffed and shackled to the floor in a cell for 15 hours prior my psychiatric exam, denied anti-anxiety medication in my purse and denied access to an attorney for 10 days after my arrest.


I want to bring suit against the police, the hospital and the State Attorney’s Office for violating my civil rights, false imprisonment and denial of medical services. One newspaper has carried my story. The US Department of Justice CRIPA Division threatened to sue Vermont State Hospital after a year long investigation revealed that doctors routinely misdiagnosed patients, exposed them unnecessarily to dangerous drugs and civil rights violations among other serious problems with quality of care. The report was released 3 months after my release. A state investigation of my case concluded that there were substantial grounds for my complaints against the hospital. Please help me find legal assistance.
icephoenix

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