moon soup

A Christmas song for you.

Also a couple other things.

A Roches song I love that is fun to sing.

Finally, a project I’m starting that may get no interest at all.

I have loved the work of Rabindranath Tagore for most of my life. I’m trying my hand at reading poetry out loud. There will be more in spite of the fact no one is at all interested.

That’s all for now.

Happy spring!

Most people who know me, know that I have struggled with mental health issues including voices, visions and suicidality for many years. This has been in spite of meditating for the past 50 years. Over the last 30 years my struggle has included a huge range of medications such as antipsychotic, antianxiety and antidepressant drugs as well as multiple psych hospitalizations.

I also smoked a fair amount of weed.

Over a year ago I tried micro-dosing psilocybin mushrooms. I was able to obtain a small amount which I powdered and put into capsules. Initially I took about a half gram daily but this seemed to give me some stomach upset and I backed it down to less than a 10th of a gram. This amount gave me no particular sensation but over time I felt an improvement in mood, sleep and anxiety.

I reduced and have since eliminated my use of other psychiatric meds including cannabis. My meditation improved, becoming more enjoyable and less effortful.

Then, about 5 or 6 months ago I neglected to prepare capsules of mushroom powder and essentially quit taking the psilocybin. The improvement in my mental states continued.

I had begun trying to grow the mushrooms early on because even though they were not expensive for the amount I used, it seemed more direct. I’ve continued my farming hobby even though I’m not using them.

They are there should I find a need for medication again or if I come across someone who would benefit.

I was quite nervous about it. Mushroom growing is a tricky process. They are very susceptible to bacterial and fungal contamination which will stop them in their tracks. Temperatures are important. Sterile conditions are needed including medium, handling, water and environment.

There are many steps which, if done improperly, will cause them to fail. I am someone who has difficulty following recipes. I had low confidence.

My first attempt at a crop was killed by heat last summer before I obtained a window air conditioner for my apartment. My next batch was killed when I mistakenly sprayed them with alcohol instead of sterile water. Each of these efforts had taken months.

The third time I got some mushrooms but I was using a growing chamber that was too small and they popped the lid off, became contaminated and also dried out so the amount produced was just a small handful.

I bought larger chambers and tried again. Persistence and being unattached to the “fruits” has paid off. Lots of fruits.

These pictures are all from the second harvest in the same fruiting chamber.

I pick the large ones and dry them, put the dried mushroom in a bag and store in the freezer.

The decision to talk about this and share these pictures has been harder than the actual growing. I have worried about being judged for this activity.

There is a passage in the book Be Here Now by Ram Das where he speaks of his initial meetings with Neem Karoli Baba. The guru asked him about his “medicine” (Ram Das, then known as Dr. Richard Alpert, had carried a large supply of LSD with him to India).

To Dr. Alpert’s horror, the old man grabbed a handful of the LSD and swallowed it all. Alpert had never seen anyone ingest so much of the drug.

Baba then proceeded to just sit there, seemingly unaffected for the entire day.

As the day waned, he spoke. “The yogis have known about these substances for thousands of years. It will not bring you liberation but in the right conditions it is like having the darshan of a saint.”

Sometimes, a little darshan goes a long way. It can relieve the fatigue of trying to control the mind.

I have come to believe that the main purpose of sadhana is to convince you beyond all else that all the effort will not lead anywhere. You are already free right where you are, right now.

Period, full stop.

Mind is not controllable through mind. Better to just be what is real. There is no saint or guru beyond your own true nature.

On a completely different note, I’ve made changes in the cover art for my book. Especially the back.

I’ve make more contrasting font on the cover and reworked the back, getting rid of the preview info about the subsequent books (I’m adding that to the interior, after the title page and prior to a preface page). Here’s the newer versions.

Everything is still in flux. Some feedback I’ve received is helping me refine my rough draft.

Some draft ideas for front and back cover. Currently getting some folks to read the first manuscript, then will figure out how to publish. Feedback would be super appreciated but I have learned to not expect it.

Today will be 30 years since my little girl killed herself. She’d be in her mid forties.

Holy flaming shit, what a nightmare.

On the other hand, my oldest son will soon be 39 years old. I could have that wrong; birthday math was never my strong suit. People who were born in the year 2000 will never have trouble remembering how old they are.

Everything is really joy. Go figure.

I’ve taken down all the draft pages of my book/ story.

I’ve completed the first book. My next step will be to get some folks to read through it and look for glaring errors. I plan to self publish soon. I simply have no clue on how to proceed with submitting it to an actual publisher. I will soon disclose how to obtain it once I navigate the process.

The first book in the series is called Maj and the Shadow Makers. I’m actually super pleased with it. There are many changes and additions since I last offered a draft version.

Book 2 will be Maelgwyn’s Journey, Book 3 is Bad Carl and the final book, unless I think of something else, will be Overthrow the Stars.

I have a new song:

(this is actually a very positive song)

Loving is a terrible thing

When I look out on a tree

with its branches slowly waving

I can tell the wind is moving things around

When the trunk is lying down

and the branches are stripped of leaves

I suppose there’s been a hurricane in town

Ch:

Anyone might say I’m beaten

I would have to disagree

I know the game was over at the start

Now it seems you finally

have got me where you wanted me

Go ahead and see

if you can break my heart

I used to fear

what waited in the shadows

lurking in the places without light

Now I know the darkness holds

no hint of greater evil

You are the only one who waits

out in the night

Anyone might say I’m beaten

I would have to disagree

I know the game was over at the start

Now it seems you finally

have got me where you wanted me

Go ahead and see

if you can break my heart

Bridge:

Everyone says love

will pull you through

and that is what

the troubadours

all sing

But everything born

in this world will die

Loving is a terrible thing

I stand at the edge

You’ve got all the exits covered

Now I will submit in every way

I will not flinch

I’ve no will to resist you

I offer my surrender

on this day

Anyone might say I’m beaten

I would have to disagree

I know the game was over at the start

Now it seems you finally

have got me where you wanted me

Go ahead and see

if you can break my heart

Go ahead and see

Go ahead and see

Go ahead and see if you can break my heart

I have another one you may have missed:

Shivariff

Also, Formless

Here is one hardly anyone has seen- 11 views in the past year.

See all my poorly produced recordings here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgSEOjBhQekrOvEkN7B0voQ

Happy April, everyone.

My first completely new song in many years.

I know my production sucks. My apartment is noisy and I have little patience for re-takes on track recording. I still think it’s good.

All the visuals are made by me using StarryAI and Fantamorph programs. Recorded using Audacity freeware.

I have posted some new recordings but you can go check out all my sloppy music videos here: https://www.youtube.com/user/moonsoupvideo/videos

Stories- I’m not going to update either Maelgwyn’s Journey or Bad Carl for a while- until I complete the first book of the Maj/ Liam story. I’ve decided that all the Maj business will be covered in 2 books- one that will be the first in the series and one that will be the last in the series. Each book will be about 200 pages, approximately 20 chapters each, give or take a few.

This will help me not be so overwhelmed by the size of the story. My main goal will be to complete Book 1 by my birthday (3/14). This should be doable.

If you want to know more, let me know either through comments or by email (RickSnook@moon-soup.com).

Some story related pictures I made using StarryAi.

I went to the 1973 North American Retreat of Ananda Marga Yoga Society. There were several good musicians and some excellent devotional music, though that was not the point.

Anyway, this one has played in my head ever since.

Graphics were made by me using AI apps on my phone. Recorded with Audacity Audio and put together using Power Director 365.