Happy Birthday, Only Daughter

song:

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Erin would be 29 years old today. Tonight we’ll have cake. We’ll blow out her candles. It’s a ritual, it’s comforting in a way. Yes: There will be tears.

I am at work. I should probably not be writing in my blog. Too bad.

I’m sad, tired, but-

I’m not in a panic,

I know what day it is,

I’m not seeing dead people,

I’m not crying (right now),

I’m not throwing up…

Progress. It’s been a lot of years but it gradually gets easier or at least less dramatic.

So, today I’ll be sad. I’ll pray. I’ll meditate. I’ll pray some more. I’ll let the wind blow through the hole in my heart. And, after a very long time, tomorrow will come.